Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
For many of us living in the 21st-century, biblical quotes may seem irrelevant. However, if we read the bible as a history of human endeavour and understand its precepts, we see that it provides a formula for successful living. We may then come to understand that biblical teachings are still relevant in our present lifestyle.
As a wedded woman, there are many virtues that have flourished because of my desire to live in love and appreciation for the new venture of marriage. And from a woman’s point of view, patience may be the main virtue on the marital journey. The old Chinese proverb tells us that: –
‘One moment of patience may ward off great disaster, one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.’
Love and marriage in their most beautiful form come with many challenges. I aim to make my house a home by recognizing my imperfections and those of my spouse and providing space for safe conversations, growth, and healing.
As a married woman/spouse my connection has grown deeper with my husband over the years, and I often forget that we are not the same as much as we have become one. I am one part of which my husband makes a whole. Patience and understanding are skills developed over time that I believe without them can lead to a stressful union over time.
I can agree that there is no perfect relationship but there are things to be desired from a relationship that will solidify the union. You must be prepared to set the example in areas where you see that changes may improve the relationship.
It may take a while, but your compromise may allow your spouse to make positive adjustments. Always think about the issues carefully and separate the important from the frivolous;
Compromise and flexibility as well are key in a relationship. Always take time in your daily devotion to also re-engage your thoughts about where you have started in your relationship and why you became involved in the first place. I have learnt that trust is an important ingredient in a marriage. Learn to trust your spouse and do not let the sun set on your misunderstandings. Resolve all issues as soon as they arise in your relationship.
I tend to think of marriage as a journey of discovery undertaken by two people, who are willing to take a risk on a future together. It is also a voyage of self-discovery and a willingness to travel in the same ship. During this journey, you made a commitment to love and cherish each other against all odds.
“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19:5-6). NIV Version
Through my marriage, I have seen that while all the qualities I desired were not prevalent in my spouse’s personality and character they were nurtured and are now treasured like fine wine. I encourage all women to live, love and laugh regularly. Love and appreciate oneself fully before learning to love another. Take time to remember all the reasons why you have chosen your spouse and treasure the reasons why they have chosen you.
Research shows that sharing new experiences can rekindle a relationship. In Psychology, Today, Gary Lewandowski, Jr., explains that “the key is to do activities that are New, Interesting, Challenging and Exciting (N.I.C.E.), because they promote greater relationship quality (i.e., more satisfaction, commitment, and love).” That makes sense because engaging in activities out of our comfort zones can help us learn about each other and deepen our bond.
Keep rekindling your relationship. Do not let your marriage/relationship become cold. Always schedule quality time together and find ways to keep the fire of love burning in your home. Respect is given to those couples who share the responsibility of chores in and around the house. The simple things should be recognized as much as the larger things. There is no one way to communicate with your lover, test the avenues until you can share your thoughts in ways only you need to understand.
In my daily interactions with other women, I have seen that we do not take the necessary time to listen to others. We often form opinions and respond with solutions to what we perceive the other person is saying without fully analyzing their body language and tone.
A man will develop admiration and love for his spouse who takes the time to attentively listen to him when he speaks about his future or his past and will empower him to be vulnerable and curate a safe space within the home. This space facilitates growth and healing.
Listen with patience and deliberation when your spouse is sharing thoughts, ideas and experiences with you. Listening carefully involves your mind, your emotions and your full attention.
Living in a conjugal relationship is very different from living together while testing the waters. Now that you have made a permanent commitment understanding your spouse’s needs, requirements, moods and temperament are necessary for the union to survive the stresses and strains that will be placed on your new relationship.
As a couple, you present a unified front to the world. Respect and support for each other’s belief system and ideology deserve a large space in a relationship. Unity of purpose also allows for space to resolve issues; be willing to do all that is humanly possible to fulfil the vows made to each other on your wedding day.
Marriage was created by God and is to be honoured by everyone (Hebrews 13:4).